Junior High

Day 7 Prompt: Memory – Junior High (Age 10 – 14)
Pull a memory from when you were in the 10-14 year old age range.
What do you see, hear, feel?

There are so many emotionally charged memories from this time and most of them bad. I was not in a good place as a teenager. I must explain that while as an adult I understand why my Grandparents did the things they did, and I forgive them. I must inform you that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with them and have long suffered the scars. While I wonder what my life would have been like with loving and supportive parents, I know that I am who I am because of what I had to go through. It has made me a more loving, caring and sympathetic person. Which, at the end of her days, my Grandmother (as was told to me by others) actually appreciated.

At this point in my life my maternal grandparents were awarded custody of me, and I lived with them since age 4 – by my choice (read the previous post). We lived in Saint Louis, Missouri. In Missouri at that time, the law allowed for children at age 14 to choose for themselves if they want to be adopted by their legal guardians. The reason I had not been legally adopted was (from what I was told) was that my mother never gave her consent. Now, my mother didn’t need to – I could – just by the virtue of my age and location.

I remember being in the offices at my Junior High School and being asked. I suddenly knew why my “mother” was being so nice to me in the previous days. I hated the way she always tried to manipulate me to do what she wanted. I rebelled, like I always did. The answer was no. My mother didn’t want it so neither did I. Because of all the things my Grandmother told me, because of the way she compared me to my mother (and informing me that this comparison was not a good thing — my mother was no good, therefore I was no good). I felt I had to be an ally to the only person I had known that loved me. I had to say no.

I know this hurt and annoyed my Grandmother. Part of the reason it was important that I be adopted was that we were set to move back to California. I would return to being a Ward of the State and she probably didn’t want to deal with all the oversight that entailed. The relationship between my grandparents and I was not at its worst point, but well on its way towards it.